Just for laughs...

There was a nice paper party. Paper A4 was there, bulky paper too.
Wall Paper was having a great time. Post-it was drinking
some ink. Suddenly, a pencil appeared and began to draw over all
      the papers in the party. The papers screamed and cryed,
but then a paper shots the pencil down.
      "Ohh, thank you, who are you ?" asked a paper.
"Bond, Paper Bond".

      Words of a mafia hit man after being captured: "who put the violin
in the violin case !"

      There was this old lady and old man. The poor man couldn't
hear very well, so he depended on his
      wife to interpret for him. One day, while they were at the
doctor's office, the nurse asked the man
      to take off his shirt. He asked his wife, "Huh, what did
she say?..." His wife repeated, "They want
      your shirt!". Then the nurse said, "You need to remove
your pants." The old guy asked his wife
      again, "Huh, what did she say?..." His wife repeated, "They want
your pants!" Then the nurse said,
      "Excuse me sir, but we need a stool sample and a urine sample".
Again he asked his wife, "Huh,
      what did she say?..." His wife said, "They want your underwear!.."

      What´s a big red spot on a cradle ? A baby eating a Gillette !

      And a green spot ? The same baby after 3 days.


      A cop is staking out a bar for drunk drivers. At closing time, he sees a guy stumble out of the bar,
      trip on the curb, and fumble for his keys for five minutes.
      When he finally gets in, it takes him another five minutes to get the key in the ignition. Meanwhile,  everybody else leaves the bar and drives off.
      When he finally pulls away, the cop is waiting for him, pulls him over, and gives him a Breathalyzer  test. The test shows he has a blood alcohol level of 0.0.
      The cop says, 'How is this possible?'
      The guy says, 'Tonight I'm the designated decoy.'

      A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his
checkup, the doctor called the  wife into his office alone.
He said, "Your husband is suffering from a
very severe disease, combined
      with horrible stress. If you don't do the following,
your husband will surely die. Each morning, fix
      him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make
sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a
      nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially
nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores,
      as he probably had a hard day. Don't discuss your problems with him,
it will only make his stress
      worse. If you can do this for the next 10 months
to a year, I think your husband will regain his
      health completely. On the way home, the husband asked
his wife, "What did the doctor say?".
      "You're going to die," she replied. __________good!

      Two campers are walking through the forest when they suddenly
encounter a grizzly bear! The  bear rears up on his hind
legs and lets out a terrifying
roar. They're both frozen in their tracks.
      The first camper whispers, "I'm sure glad I wore
my running shoes today."
 "It doesn't matter what kind of shoes you're wearing,
you're not gonna outrun that bear," replies the
      second.      "I don't have to outrun the bear, I just
have to outrun YOU," he answers.

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