Funnies
Please note: These jokes can easily offend. So if you are EASILY offended please leave now!
Ever heard of the wonder bra?
A few for to make the ladies laugh.....
Q. How do you know if a man is sexually active?
A. He's breathingQ.What is the difference between a man and E.T?
A. E.T phones home
Q.How do you get to a mans heart?
A.With an axe or a knife
Fact.Men are living proof women can take a joke
Q.What does a man consider a 7 Course meal?
A. A hotdog and a 6 pack
Q. What do you call the useless fatty tissue at the end of the penis?
A. A man__________good!
Q. What's the difference between a man and a toilet?
A toilet doesn't follow you around after you've used itWhat did God say after he made man?
I can do better.Q. What is a man called with half a brain?
A. GIFTED!
FATHER: "When you go back to your Mom's tonight, give her this
envelope and tell her that since you are now 18, this is the LAST
check she'll ever see from me for child support.
Then, stand back and watch the expression on her face."
DAUGHTER: "O.K."
Later.......
DAUGHTER: "Mom, Dad asked me to give you this envelope. He said to
tell you that since I'm now 18, this is the LAST child support
Payment he'll ever have to make to you. Now I'm supposed to stand
back and watch the expression on your face."
MOTHER: "Next time you visit your father, tell him that after 18
years I have decided to inform him that he's not your father. Then,
stand back and watch the expression on HIS face."
An old couple are sitting on the front porch rocking in their chairs. all
of a sudden, the man swats his wife. she sits for a minute, then asks
"what was that for". "fifty years of lousy sex" he replies. they rock
some more and all of a sudden the wife swats her husband. he sits for a minute, then asks "what was that for". "because you know the difference" she replies.
3 men sat on a ledge of the building they were doing construction work on each man opened his
lunch box... the Mexican says Man! Tacos again... if she gives me tacos one more time I am gonna
jump off this ledge! the Italian opens his lunch box's and says man spaghetti if she gives me
spaghetti one more time I am gonna jump off this ledge! The American opens his box and says man
baloni if I get baloni one more time I am gonna jump off this ledge. So thenext day they sit down to
lunch and the Mexican opens his box tacos!!! so he jumps... the Italian opens his box Spaghetti!!!
so he jumps... the American opens his box..... baloni!!! so he jumps...the next dayat the funeral the
Mexican wife says if only he had told me that he didn't want tacos.... the Italian wife says if only he
had told me that he didn't want spaghetti... the American wife cried and said he fixed his own dam
lunch.
A blonde has been planning this trip to Louisianna for a while. She gets there and decides to buy
some official alligator skin shoes. She goes into the store and the clerk tells her the price. She says,
"THOSE COST WAY TO MUCH. I AM GOING TO KILL MY OWN ALLIGATOR AND
GET ALLIGATOR SHOES!" So the store clerk spots the women waist deep in the swamp with a
shotgun pointing it right down the nose of a gator coming right for her. Surprisingly she shoots and
kills it. She drags it to the shore where there are six more gators! Then the clerk hears her yell,
"OH MAN! THIS ONE ISN'T WEARING SHOES EITHER!"
An old man and his wife went to the doctor for a check-up. While the man is with the doctor, the
doctor askes him, "So how has life been treating you?" The old man replies, "The Lord's been
good to me. Every night when I go to the bathroom, He turn s the light on and when I'm finished,
He turns the light off." While the old woman is with the doctor, the doctor tells her what her
husband said. She replied "Damn it! The old fart's been pissin in the ice box again!"
Three guys are in a bar on the top of a cliff. The first guy says to the other guys "You know, if had
just one more beer, I think I could fly." The second guy says "No Way!" So the first guy orders a
beer and drinks it. Then all three guys walk ou t to the edge of the cliff. The first guy jumps off,
starts falling to the ground, and then flies back to the top of the cliff.
The second guy is totally amazed, so he says "You know, if I had another beer, I bet I could do
that too." So all three guys go into the bar, and the second guy has another beer. After he finished,
he said "Ok, I will be able to fly now" So they all went outside and the second guy jumped off of
the cliff and feel to the bottom, where he hit the ground and died instantly. The third guy turned to
the first guy and said "You know Superman, you are a real jerk when you drink"
Please feel free to send me any funnies that you feel are worthy of this page!
emailis: [email protected] bored?|banners| funnies| quotes