my life

One Life to Live...

Today I am 20 years old, my first name is Laura. I live in Holcomb, KS, with my mother and 3 younger sisters. I guess you clicked her to learn more about me, so here it goes:

My mother's name is Yolanda, she met my father Juan when she was 18, they got married. When she was 20 she had my oldest sister, Patricia, and 4 years later my only brother Juan. Well, my mother put up with a lot of crap from him, and when she was around 7 months pregnant with me, she left him. That would have to be one of the smartest things she has done in her life. My father is a Womanizer, and to this day he is still living a life without me! I never have been close to my father till this day, his whole family denied the fact that I was his daughter. Claiming the only reason that my mother left my dad was of the fact that I was someone else's'... knowing that to this day infuriates me! All this time his family denied me, and my mother finds out, I have a step-brother that is only 3 months younger than me! My mother says that the day she had me in the hospital, that his whole family was at the hospital... To their surprise, I have his eyes, his smile, and most of all I had got him to love me!

Don't get me wrong, that is not what I ever wanted, never in a million years did I want his love!!! My oldest sister resents that in me, all her life she has done nothing but try to win his love. My father is a cold person, he never looked for us. All of my sister's life she chased him around, waiting for his approval, and to this day has got nothing in return! I remember one when I seen him and he asked how I was doing, my response was harsh and cold, and for the first time I could see pain in his eyes... With that I realized he has regrets for how he has lived and how he has treated us. My only thought for him is how much he has never been a part of my life and no matter how I try to hate him, I just can't.

Well, after my mother left my father she remarried a man named Roberto, I don't know exactly how long they were married, but I do know he made her happier than she thought possible. I never met this man although my mother tells me that he loved all of her kids like they were his own. I was also told that he treated my mother like there was no other in this world who he could love. Unfortunately their love fell at the hands of her brother. My step father was murdered on October 31, 1980. His life was taken by the hands of my mothers youngest brother. I don't know exactly the reasons that he did it, but won't ever be able to understand how someone he could just take the life of someone who his sister loved very much!

Well, many years after my mother suffered a loss of not one but two people she cared about she remarried. She married a man named Jesus, whom I had become to know as my dad. With him she brought three more kids into this world. Erica, Marissa, and Angelica, With these kids my mother started what she calls her second generation! *s* Well, I never thought that they had problems until I was in middle school. It was than that I realized that my step dad, mentally abused my mother. He said things to my mother that would make the devil quiver, every so often he would move out. It never failed, he would be back and for a couple of days he was the best dad anyone could have! It's like they say you can't change the stripes on a tiger... Well, don't get me wrong he never laid a hand on my mother, never in my life had I seen him hit her! I guess that is why I always continued to love him! It's been months since we had last heard from my step dad.

When I think of my step dad now, I feel disgusted, almost abandoned! That is not the worst of it. I think about how he is doing, where he is at, and if he really ever cared for us! Recently, we heard from his sister in Mexico, that he is getting married again in February... Now this more than anything has broke my heart. How in the world can a man with 3 kids, just abandon them? He left and never once looked back, never! He has no clue weather his daughters have eaten, slept in a house, he doesn't know if they are sick. He doesn't know anything about them since the day he left! What really kills me is that he has no clue that for days and weeks after he left the youngest one had cried herself to sleep, she says that she wonders if he doesn't like them anymore! This from a 8 year old, hurts! He has no clue that his oldest daughter has been writing him hate letters! Now, if he knew these things I don't think that it would make a difference, he is a complete heartless soul. To leave a child of his own blood and not say good-bye, is like so unforgivable...

Well recently we have been doing better without him... I've learned to help my mother out and we are doing far better than I ever imagined! *s* My little sisters are getting along well, and have come to understand that they are not responsible for what their dad does. I have seen my mother through thick and thin, and well always be there for her! *hugs* My boyfriend Oscar of 2 years lives with us, and together we all help out... I know that if anyone can make it, my mother can, and I'm proud to be able to be there to help her out!!